...have been thinking...

As a reference point please see this post on Jude's What-If blog.  Also note the photograph above represents my one and only attempt at making a crazy quilt block.  At the time I first constructed it, I was informed by some well-meaning friends that it was NOT a crazy quilt block because it didn't use the right (meaning fancy overblown) fabrics.   The fact that this was a conscious choice was lost on them.  So was the fact that I made a point of stressing that it was an INDIE quilt block - meant to be glaringly different from what had become known as the correct/proper/only way to work in a crazy style.

Quit frankly my friends felt sorry for me.  I could see it in the glances they exchanged as covertly as women try to be when one of their own is breaking ranks in a way that they believe really ought to be corrected but nobody quite wants to be The One who steps up and tells her.  Frankly?  In this particular group?  Stepping up and opening the mouth to speak [perceived] truth is usually my job.  It's part of my role - half assumed and half thrust upon me in that way of women who learn how to operate as an organism as well as a collection of individuals.   Likewise one of the others in the group is nearly always the one to step up and fill blanks in another's larder.  Canned soup, extra toilet paper or soap bars, organic rose feeder, an unlikely and nearly miraculous extra ticket to a Red Sox game, appropriate fabrics for crazy quilting. You name it and she's somehow or other always got just what's needed right on hand.  So now I have an array of fabrics suitable for crazy quilting.  She saw to that.  And it gave her comfort to do as much just like it gave me joy to experience a warm ocean's surge of generous spirit.


I hesitate to say any more about my friends and how a few of my differences from them have been pointed out to me because, the last time I did that (with the butterfly button) I unwittingly touched the kind of nerve that left these ladies open to a scope and breadth of judgement that mirrored - and perhaps exceeded - their own version of same where the button & I were concerned.  So let me keep it strictly personal.  I was fully aware that my block used "regular" fabrics - just like I was aware that many women who consider themselves creatively adept and artistic don't believe that commercial quilter's cottons can ever be used for truly creative or artistically worthy results.  I was further aware that crazy quilt blocks don't normally include iron-on patches because they are not deemed worthy enough.   And since I'm not totally blind or impervious to all-encompassing trends, I certainly understood what colors were considered acceptable and which were viewed as a collective embarassment.


Here's what else I knew:  crazy quilts originated as a form of deeply personal expression.  The blocks were made to preserve scraps and symbols that held very strong individualized value.   They were sentimental beyond any shred of fault or socially-mandated apology for being as much.  They held great joy - presumably - for the maker within the making.  In my case, the Indie block I have worked on so very slowly (mainly "so slowly" because any time I get it out and then find myself getting pissed-off or thin-skinned about some of the opinionated responses I've had to it over the years, I put it away again.  Because it simply isn't meant to contain toxic nostalgia or views/associations that aren't actually my own...) contains very simple and straightforward ordinary quilters cottons that were given to me by special friends.  Or they are representative of fabrics I bought while in the company of such friends.  There is always a backstory of an especially meaningful conversation between us that went on in the checkout line, in the car, or at a restaurant table as we fed ourselves following the purchases.

As I've implied in some other posts, I am not even remotely ashamed of my quilter's cotton collection any more than I'm ashamed of a single one of my creative choices - however odd or off-base or downright unfortunate it may seem to somebody else.  I'm particularly unashamed of this indie block.  In addition to the cotton scraps and the memories they hold, there are pieces of a satin ribbon from the first valentine present my husband (then boyfriend) gave me.  There are iron-on patches that, over time, my son impulsively bought with his own gift-money - as surprises he thought I might enjoy and be glad to include in my sewing - things he considered beautiful and/or a reminder of me...things he hoped I would treasure as he treasured them until they found their way anonymously to the edge of my keyboard or the center of my bed pillow.  There are seashells I found in my mother's jewelry box after she died.   There's a polymer bead a client once gave me as a way of thanking me for helping them to find the sun & the moon within themselves.  There are a variety of stars from a variety of people - to remind me that just like Sly Stone told us so long ago - everybody IS a star and, also, everybody needs a rough handful of stars to help them find their way home safely.  And, unless I have managed to be completely asleep at the wheel during all my study of old-time 'original' crazy quilts - this is the heart of what the process has always been meant to convey.  Pure heart.  And...isn't it sad how often so many of us are willing to trample all over such things with proclamations that showcase our own aesthetic limits and perceptual shortcomings.


On my block there are some embroidery stitches I've known so long I can't remember how or when I learned to make them.  I find no shame or understand of why I should have any for saying there are also some stitches I taught myself from a book.  There's a button from the shirt I was wearing when I found out I was pregnant and also a few plastic (the !!HORROR!!) beads that came my way from an exuberant elderly South American medicine man. As usual, there are no visible boundaries.  Edges are a very basic fact of my life but the ultimate boundaries and frames I select as one of the ending forms of visual communication do, indeed, usually find themselves (and me) near the end of a project.  Last night I was thinking about all of this - wondering if I had the tangible stamina to write to this post and further wondering if I was grounded enough to tolerate having it mis-read and/or re-interpreted in who knows what kind of ways* - and then I thought about how easy it would be to take the block (11 x 18) out of the drawer where it lives and finish the rest of what I perceive needing finishing.

This morning when I woke up I thought about the block again - in a way that made me know I would be taking it out and would also write this post irrespective of how it was or was not destined to be received beyond my own heart & mind.  I thought about another recent what-if posts of Jude's and realized it contained the answer to my question about bordering this block.  Even before I was out of bed and opened the curtains, these things were all so simple and obvious to me.  And I was happy in that way that makes the doors of your heart swing open wide enough to risk ... whatever.  The failure of words, the limits of colorful assemblage that heeds only the beat of its own soul-filled drum.    Sunlight on water.  Shadows in the corners of a brilliantly sunny afternoon.  What can be measured and what can be lost.  What is always in some form of return and life-giving permutation.  What's of value.  What we love. 

*earlier this week I got some really good news about my latest bloodwork results.  this has resulted in switching medication dosages pretty drastically; some things following an established tapering plan and others !wham! cut in half, just like that.  The potent switches have gotten me in some temporary but very powerful biochemical soup. Am not up for much right now beyond reading and thinking - and that doesn't leave me fit for much beyond writing in the language of what truly does matter most to me ... 

Comments

[outside looking outside]

I have mentioned to you before that I have found your art inspirational, and helpful in my own pursuits. I find it inspirational for all the normal visual stimulations one enjoys when viewing art.

But to this bird, most stimulating of all isn't how....but WHY you create.

Thank you for that,
Gregulationsarefortheregular.

[jeanne herself]

have been pondering hesitation this morning, and here you are (of course) addressing that very thing;) looking at hesitation, i think, can teach us a lot about ourselves. do we hesitate to avoid criticism? what a waste cause criticism is inevitable. do we hesitate for fear of offending? isn't that, too, a waste because let's face it: some will be offended because you said too much, some because you said too little, some because of the WAY you said either too much or too little. sigh. criticism and misunderstanding are unavoidable - especially if you are one committed to public expression . . . and that leads me into the path of who-asked-you-anyway. okay, it's still quagmired, my pondering: hesitation (inside) all tangled up with entitlement (outside), truth, freedom, expression, safety. and maybe i ought to have more sense than to post this pitifully incomplete/barely-the-beginning stream. will close this disjointed ramble by saying that i'm so glad you overcame your hesitation and wrote then posted this entry. it's a conversation that needs to happen.

[Paula Hewitt]

As the only person who critised your friends in the comments the other day I guess I'm the one you mean when you write: ' scope and breadth of judgement that mirrored - and perhaps exceeded - their own version of same ' so I wont go there again. :) As you know from oue emails - I wasnt intending to be judgemental, but supportive, and you are right - it did hit a nerve because I have been on the receiving end of the same.

I have had a similar experience with CQ - I am planning to post some photos of CQ quilts I made with commercial cottons before i started blogging, and realised that they really arent *real* CQ at all. Ill write more about what i think there.

I read with interest Jeannes comment about hesitation - i have been hesitating, not so much because I am concerned about being critised but because I am worried that i may cause offense to those who ideas of CQ (or any other technique for that matter) are different to mine.(and despite my earlier gaffe i am concerned about not causing offence)

And i dont understand your point about being not ashamed about learning stitches from a book - Every embroidery stitch I know i have learned form a book -do others find that shameful?

good news about the blood work and meds - i hope you get back on an even keel

[Susan]

How odd! I've been doing cq for almost two decades and always use cotton, linen and silk, no after 5 satins and velvets and yucky, sleezy fabrics. I'm sorry your friends discouraged you, because it is the embellishments that make cq, not the fabric content. If we're going to break free of the past in quilting, then I think we must do the same with cq.

[annalisa]

Hmm I think the stories behind your crazy quilt are exactly what makes it authentic. each object has meaning and is imbued with beauty as a result (plastic not withstanding) you might enjoy this post on authenticity that I immediately thought of when I read yours http://kirstyhall.co.uk/blog/2008/08/authenticity-sacredness-and-plastic-bags/

[Acey]

Paula - as I have explained in a new private mail you were not *at all* the only one who responded to this point - simply the only one who did so in the comments section. Am quite sorry for any sting you felt from my subsequent words.

Am also guilty of being unclear/careless in the way I presented the unseen scope of the response I received. It also seems important to say that I'm further guilty of enabling judgments in the first place through the way I described the response to my purchase choices. It was accurate but maybe not necessary. There's some important food for thought here including my intention to turn a more mindful eye towards future self-editing choices.

Jeanne - my personal reasons for hesitancy sometimes involve an inherent reluctance to cause offense - though I have no objection serving the function of an alarm clock (and who really "likes" them, at least on most mornings...)there's no reason to knowingly OR unmindfully cause hard or hurt feelings.

That said more recently I have been experiencing some rather profound sorts of hesitancy as I seem to have developed an over-riding sensitivity to evoking a level of psychoanalytic response that's intense enough to feel like very unwelcome privacy invasion. Again it seems important to stress that this most clearly refers to what doesn't necessarily show on the public screen and relates - for the most part - to more intense forms of communication in emails, etc.

Greg - call me nuts but I always feel like I've accomplished something in the writerly sense when you show yourself this way. Have been thinking for a couple of weeks about your remark that nobody ever accused you of being the life of the party and how, as funny as that remark is to me, it's even funnier (as well as quite fitting) that I personally consider you one of the best & brightest "parties" in my own life. You know. On the inside and deep behind the mirrored shades where it counts the most, anyway.

[Acey]

Susan - thanks for stopping by and commenting. This helped me to understand more cohesively that I am not personally very interested in 'breaking away from the past of quilting' but, rather, returning to the roots/core of working with what(EVER) I most enjoy in order to express a personally relevant/authentic statement. There are definitely satins and velvets in my collection plus I inherited some killer taffeta fabrics from my mother.

Annalisa - what a great post you linked to! This is exactly what I was trying to express with the additional quadrant of another topic that's very near and dear to me. Good reading, indeed

[Kathy V in NM]

Well, Acey, you have company in your "indie" way of creating this wonderful folk art. I, too, am not one to follow what everyone else does or has done and generally follow my heart and eye in everything I do.

Kinda reminds me of the elementary school art teacher who demands that all of the kids do exactly the same thing in class -- real creativity in that, right?

Lotsa love,

Kathy V in NM

[jude]

well, what is interesting about all this is he strange habit we have of forming groups that somehow start out as free expression and then end up limiting it. i totally love the discussions about all this. no shame in anything actually, do styles form around rules? can style be collective or does it have to be personal. or is it a combo of both? these are questions i am asking myself lately.
this block is so crazy and so you at the same time.

[Cathie]

Acey - this block is fabulously "crazy." We create as a means of "self" expression -- emphasis on "self" and you have that aspect mastered my dear!

[Kathy]

First I want to say I like your block. I feel CQ quilts are your own interpertation, anything goes, it's what you like. It will be in your home. Rules to me only apply if being judged in a quilt competition and there are guidelines to follow or in a swap that has certain guidelines. As for fabrics, the busier the fabric would lead to less embellishing, the plain fabrics would need additional embellishing so it wouldn't look so empty. That leads to the question do you use busier fabrics or plain. It is the choice of the quilter. It also brings up the topic of hand quilting or machine quilting. Does machine quilting (non traditional) make it anyless of a quilt? I don't think so. It is how quilting changes from one decade/century to another. It is expanding the mindset of traditional quilting.
Have fun and enjoy. By the way, I like the butterfly button. Will check out more of your blog.

[Kathy]

I forgot to mention, unless you have someone to teach you embroidery stitches, how are you to learn other than from a book.
No shame in that.

[Karen]

I always thought that a "crazy" quilt was a freeform type of quilting where there were no rules. While I understand that maybe specific techniques are to be followed for the piece to fall into a certain category or "label", I have never been comfortable with the notion that art has to be exactly this way or that way in order for it to "qualify" as something. Labels can get in the way of truly seeing the essence of something beautiful. All that said, I love your crazy quilt piece. It is so rich in color.
-Karen
p.s. I've tagged you if you'd like to play "6 Random Things" but, of course, it's entirely optional.

[glennis]

wow! lots of thoughts here. actually, the very name, "crazy" quilt, is part of what defines the style for me. crazy quilts are so fascinating to me- especially antique or vintage ones as they often tell a story or offer a glimpse into the life of the maker by the type of fabrics used and the stitches taken. i am a little surprised to learn that there could be a right or wrong way to make a CQ square....but i think i will delete that knowledge and go on thinking i can do it any ol' way i want- just for me. jude's comment on forming groups to express ourselves that often end up limiting our expression is a good one. i needed that reminder today-thanks all!

[Linda]

It's astounding to me that there are people who feel there should be any rules to creativity, and that they feel the need to express to others that they should hold to them. That's contrary to the very definition of creativity.

Outside of the issue of rules, the fact that a person *dislikes* someone else's creative work is only relevant to that person; putting her negative energy into another's contented creative space is simply obnoxious.

Someone criticizes my creation, and they're not likely to ever get to see another one!